The dichotomy of parenting: Nurturing care versus Emotional Stress  

When the notion to write this article struck me, I grappled with uncertainty, wondering whether to proceed, as I intended to dispel the belief that parents' decisions are always flawless. While parents undoubtedly have good intentions ,their decisions are not always infallible.

I have sought to clarify this by presenting two different narratives stemming from the same origin. These two stories will expose much and give a glimpse into the reality. The initial story pertains to parents whom I know personally.

I know a person who works as a salesman in a shop, while his wife runs a small garment shop nearby. Their only daughter is in the fifth grade at a prestigious convent school ,consistently ranking among the top ten students.

 

To cover her school fees and other essentials ,both parents work tirelessly .On the day of the school's final result announcement ,I was present. When the teacher didn't call their daughter 's name among the top ten ,her mother's face flushed with anger.

 

Angered by this ,her mother's face turned red with fury .Without uttering a word ,she stormed out of the school. Outside ,she scolded and punished her daughter all the way home, the child crying all along reached home .She suffered consequences due to her poor result, which reflected a waste of all her parents' hard work.

This clearly indicated the shattering of the dream cherished by the girl's parents ,or the dream they had envisioned in their earlier days and now hoped to achieve through their child. 

 In the same way ,another story that will give you insight into what parental pressure really means.

  

This story unfolds with a father, a science graduate from his time tried various competitive exams and applied to numerous jobs ,but none materialized.

 Disheartened, he left his job and joined as a sales agent at an insurance company. Like the previous case, he admitted his daughter to a prestigious school. Every spare moment ,he spent teaching her after school and even during vacations when she visited her grandmother's house ,he would set study targets. If she failed to meet them , he would scold her grandmother .

 

He even gave detailed instructions to the tuition teacher. He would also give him daily goals, directing him to complete a certain portion within a day, and admonish him if her exam outcomes were unsatisfactory.

 

Their daughter avoided staying at home due to the pressure , and always seeking enrollment in any course to escape her parents tyranny, which eventually happened .

 

Despite the immense pressure, her exam performance was lacklustre and she eventually enrolled in a nursing course. Her father 's aspiration of her becoming a doctor remained unfulfilled.

 

These two stories illustrate how parental pressure impacts the careers and lives of children .In truth ,there exists a fine line between parental care and parental pressure. What we often label as parental care may actually be parental pressure.

The fundamental question at hand is why parents feel compelled to impose such heavy expectations on their children .Is it a reflection of sincere parental care or a parental stress?

What ,then, can be done to foster children's growth without imposing excessive pressure?

Research indicates that parenting with praise can greatly enhance a child's performance.According to a 2022 study ,empowering your child to feel capable can increase their motivation to overcome future challenges.

Creating a positive environment where children feel at ease is crucial for yielding positive outcomes. Additionally, parents should establish practical and achievable expectations, rather than projecting their own unfulfilled desires onto their children.

In India, the competitive landscape is fierce. The National Career service reports that over 14 lakh eligible candidates are competing for 2.2 lakh jobs in the country.

Moreover, 66% of students in India feel pressured by their parents to excel academically. This pressure often arises without a proper understanding of the child's capabilities, interests , and intelligence.

Now the question is how can we motivate children to study without applying undue pressure? This can be better understood by a simple story.

There was a boy who was struggling with academics and lacked interest in studying, which deeply concerned his parents. Despite their efforts to encourage him ,there was little improvement.

 One day , his father attended a dog show where he observed the trainer's technique of using a ring to direct to leap through it .The dog was rewarded with a treat for each successful jump, and the height of the ring was increased gradually after each successful jump.

Inspired by this, the father decided to try a similar approach with his son .Upon returning home, he introduced the idea of sketching and asked his son to draw a picture of a dog.

He promised to reward upon completion .The boy enthusiastically completed the sketch. From then on , the father set progressively with challenging tasks for his son, rewarding each accomplishment with treats such as zoo visits, movie outings , and trips to water parks. This strategy ignited his son's interest and resulted in academic success.

Throughout this process, the father maintained a positive environment at home, consistently praising and encouraging his son .He would often say ," You can do it, you are a winner, "instilling a sense of confidence and motivation in his son to pursue his goals.

So the key to sparking children's interest in studying is through nurturing care and love, rather than applying pressure.

'